My little one

It was supposed to be a great day. A productive morning of work, a tough hike, a good drink and an amazing dinner. At around 7.30pm on the way home, our happy singing in the car was punctuated with a phone call coming from Singapore. Hearing mum’s crying voice sent a series of shockwaves and everything stood still as the news came tearing in.

My little one. Seizure. Unresponsive. Sedated. Hospitalized.

Nothing can prepare you for such an event where you are at the emotional mercy of your worst thoughts. When you want nothing remotely bad to happen to them and yet forced to hear through the details and terrorized at the horror and pain someone so innocent can be going through.

Flew back on the earliest flight I can get. By then, i knew he was not in danger anymore and there was very little I can do to help. But you just wanted to be there you know? You just wanted to have a peace of mind. All I wanted to do was hug him, tell him I love him and then take the next flight back.

Landed in Singapore and went straight to the high dependency ward. Seeing the tubes in him and the oxygen mask over him, feeling how feverish and weak he is was enough to break your heart. A small child, so precious and so broken.

The next 2 days passed by in a series of blur, sponging him, watching over him, trying to lighten his mood and desperately trying not to cry when you hear his scared screams about needles and injections. Was this how my mum felt when I was in the hospital so many years ago?

I have so much love for this little one, there’s very little things I would not do for him. And the worst feeling is being so helpless because he is fighting a battle on his own and you can only watch and pray for him to get through it with his own strength.

I may have gotten a few grey hairs over the weekend in KK Hospital, but seeing him smile and laugh and transferred to a normal ward… What a relief.